can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
