i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
