My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
