Don't you send me to vm
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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