normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
