I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
