Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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