Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
