I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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