For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
