why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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