Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
