I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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