You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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