Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
