you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
