Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Houston, we have a blender
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
