I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
