He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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