If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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