hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
