he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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