"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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