I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
