At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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