I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
