It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You can't just leave with hair like that
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
