sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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