We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
