so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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