my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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