it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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