you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
