What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
