How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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