Little spoons don't ask big questions
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Im part way to drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
