this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
