I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
