I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
