guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
