Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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