y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Can I color on your dick again?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
