Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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