So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
