life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
