Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
