You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
