conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
