corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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