I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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