why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
