The best revenge is premature balding
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
