Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
